Old & New Entry
Here is an entry that has been sitting as a “draft” for about two weeks now. I don’t know why, but I was too afraid to publish it, so it’s been sitting there. After what happened last night, I decided to let yall in on this little secret-ish thing. (And check out what happened last night on the bottom after you read all of this!)
Tuesday, when Courtney and I had our little pow wow, I told her something pretty surprising: that I was giving up on G. As I’m sure yall know, I’ve felt the same way about Garrett since the day I came back from Disney when I told yall he was my soul mate and I was going to marry him. Even though we’ve been broken up for a while now and have dated other people… I still believed that we were going to end up together. I knew he was “the one” from the first moment I met him, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized that I am probably wrong.
This is what I’ve been thinking:
First, we’ve been talking somewhat regularly since April 2008, and every time we talk, we say how much we want to see each other. Somewhat regularly is about every six weeks or so, just checking in and whatnot. So, for a year we’ve been making plans to see each other… but it still hasn’t happened. I would say it’s about 50/50; partly my fault - partly his. I’m just thinking this is a bad sign because if we (me) really wanted to, we (I) would’ve made it happen.
Second, he never ever calls me. I’m always the one to call him. Like, idk why he doesn’t - or wouldn’t, but I don’t think he ever has (ok, maybe once). Always after our convo is about finish, he’s always like, “don’t be a stranger” or something like that, meaning… call me sometime. I just think it’s weird that he won’t, which leads me to believe that he’s just being friendly and really doesn’t think that way about me anymore.
Third, holding onto the idea of Garrett and I getting back together is really fucking me up. It’s messing up any chance I have of getting an actual bf in Houston because I compare everyone to him! I have placed G on a pedestal, and nobody comes close to touching him. Granted, I’ve met a lot of douche bags and I wouldn’t date them anyways because they’re not good enough for me… but the normal/decent guys that are actually interested in me, there’s always something “wrong” with them. And whenever I thought that we really were going to get back together someday, it was easier to deal with the frustration that guys in H-town had placed upon me because I knew that those guys were just filling in until G and I could say, “we’re back!! :D”.
So… all of this was the convo that Courtney and I had that one night, and I told her that this is a good timing because this will be the first year that I will not be going to the Dave Matthews Band concert that was in three days, so it will be easier to start letting him go. Turns out, I ended up getting tickets - AGAIN! (For the fourth year in a row!) I was like, “this is so weird. It’s totally a sign that we belong together (blah blah blah)”. Something else weird happened. Whenever I went to text him during the concert (because I always do), right after I hit “send”, they played my FAVORITE song, Two Step. Whoa!
It’s like… all these “signs” were soooo crazy, but I told myself that “at some point they have to stop. If he doesn’t call you within the weekend to see how the concert was, let him go. For reals this time”.
Sadly, he never called…
Ok, and to continue on with the “signs”… pretty crazy that I decided to give up Garrett, because the next week I met Matt (not saying that we’re super serious or anything, but I like like him). Sign?? Also, yesterday Garrett sent me a text telling me that Milwaukee was playing Houston in Houston. I knew Milwaukee was playing Houston because Charity asked me if I wanted to go to the game because she had tickets, and I said no. Sign?? What does all of this mean… or am I reading way too much into it? I probably am, but it’s just really really weird.
